lucky me.

it is my first day of my summer job and I couldn't ask for a better opportunity nannying some really great kids.

Reasons for my optimism:

• My best friend is the babysitter of people down the street, and the kids are friends. Lucky me.
• The kids are not picky eaters. I just made one a big salad with carrots and grape tomatoes and balsamic vinagrette dressing. The other isn't a big meat eater, but makes up for it with her undying love for black beans. Amen for not picky kids!
• I am so blessed to have a job right now. Some people who have gone to college and beyond don't have jobs right now. Lucky me.
• Every morning I get here early about an hour before the kids wake up. This forces me to be awake in a silent house. Coming from someone who, this past year, got five minutes of alone time every three weeks. I am so excited for a daily devotional and time spent with the Lord.

Couldn't think of a complaint.

people observation #5: ...and so she admits it; she's a cold hearted bitch.

Look, don't get me wrong, I know that people in this world are selfish, and I spend every single day of my life trying to prove to myself that we are not all selfish, but sometimes it just isn't so easy.

Here I am. I love people! Love em! I love smiling at them, and asking how they're doing, and I love hearing what they have been up to or what their lives are like. I spend countless hours working to help others, even contemplating whether my being here at college as too selfish or preparing me to perform some greater good down the road.

I can't take the idea that this is a world of every person for him or herself, and I have no understanding, I have no mental capacity to fathom, the idea that anyone would sincerely believe the world was all about them.

In political theory yesterday, someone explained to us that she wholeheartedly believed other people's problems to be ones that she would never be able to help out with. And I quote, "Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch, but we're really all here for ourselves," She continued to explain to us that even if her very best friend needed a place to stay, or a month's rent, even if she had the money, she couldn't help her out because it wasn't her problem. I have never been so appalled in my life.

We're young! We're in college! We're hopeful! We're suppose to look cynicism like this in the face and tell it to shut the hell up! I can't imagine how different my life would be if I had this kind of attitude. Oh, litter, I'm not gonna pick you up, someone else's problem. Oh, high schooler, I'm not gonna worry about your addictions, that's your problem. Oh, grandpa, I'm not gonna worry about your sickness, not my problem. (not my chair, not my problem..I always say) I can tell you that the incredible people I have been able to learn from all across this country would not be. I can tell you that the nine months I have been away from my boyfriend would not be. and I can tell you that the incredibly loving relationship that I have been blessed to have with my family sure as hell would not be.

I cannot imagine being here simply to help myself. I cannot imagine my political beliefs to be an ideology based on which one would help myself. It's not about me. What I'm saying is that I came to college for a greater opportunity to make a difference in the world. I'm here because someday I am going to have some skills of use, that can help somebody somewhere with something. Vague? Good. Because you can do it too.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. They will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check; we've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. barackobama.

stream of consciousness, stream of CONSCIENCE.

you cannot sit in your white house of comfortability.

not when those who pass by don't know what you do.

you cannot sit and judge someone who "doesn't know jesus"

because clearly you must have forgotten who you are.

We all have different gifts,

and the fact that I am busy outside meeting god's beautiful children,

being a light to a dark world,

the mouth that cannot quote the words to perfection is still loved, and beautiful,

and belongs to a good person.

i have been given a gift of being able to love everyone. not those like me. those not like me. those not like you.

hide it under a bushel? no. I'm gonna let it shine.

i can no longer dwell in my fears of being judged,

at the very least,

by the ones who I thought were the judge-less.

our bodies are beautiful,

our brains our beautiful,

our inevitably different grasp of the ways of the world..why, that's beautiful too.

the ultimate beautiful.

I can no longer sit as the gossip continues,

I am a doer.

I am ready to do.

We have been assigned a position of serving those around us,

and this does not confine us to the schools of the county.

nobody said that we had a quota to meet,

that we couldn't work overtime,

that we couldn't smile at the house two doors down.

there are people starving in our own closer backyards,

and you sit on your couch and glare.

"they don't know jesus".... as if there were nothing you could do.

people observation #4: We are happy.

I love the days here at college when the sun comes out for the first weeks and everyone is outside smiling.

I can pass people and smile at them like I do on a daily basis and I don't get looked at like I am a boob. I get looked at like, "today is sunny and we both share this joy which gives me grounds to smile back

to you."

I play a game that I learned a while back from my grandmother. She would try and see how many people she could make smile in the amount

of time she had with the stranger. At work, this is easy. Every person that comes in is someone I can say hello to and ask how they are doing. I look at them in the eyes and I smile to them. It isn't creepy if you're being sincere, and frankly, people love it.

Smiles are contagious.

people observation #3: you know who you are.

My brother and I were recently discussing the irritating people we encounter on a day to day basis in our classes. Only two days in, I can tell you that the roster for my spring quarter is already irking my drawers. The problem of the annoying classmate is an epidemic that has struck colleges for years. They come in all shapes and sizes, and their weapons can range from talking too much to not showering enough. I give you my diagnoses:

• The know it all: This person's hand is in the air every question asked, and ofcourse, they have a very logical response to it. I know it's good for your ego, but let somebody else give the question a stab for once, at least ONCE.

• The Distracter: I am already distracted enough as it is. There are so many things that are easy to control, but hard for others not to watch. To name a few there's the gum chomper, the kid who talks to the person behind them, laptop movie kid, laptop facebook kid, laptop bejeweled kid, Smelly Dude, Texts McGee, etc. Just try to be aware of your classmates, Maybe start taking a shower twice a week instead of once a month, and I know they're nervous habits, but for the love of God, please keep the foot twitching, chair bouncing, and pencil tapping to a bare minimum.

• Kid that extrapolates their own personal experiences and tiny worldview to explain an entire history or event being discussed: self-explanatory. Get some observation goggles. There's a whole world out there, and just because your father knows a guy who etc., etc., etc., doesn't make it the rule.

• I'm the only one in this class person: He or she asks questions as if they are the only one in the entire class. "Hey Prof, did you get my email?" or "I'm not gonna be here tomorrow is there anything I need to do?" I'll give you something you need to do: take off your blinders; there's 300 of us in here.

• Loud Conversation Group: The people who sit and discuss their dumb philosophies, fest-filled weekends, or latest vom incident. Chat all you want, but I shouldn't be able to hear your embarrassing stories from the classroom next door.

• Question Girl: Finds any excuse to ask a question. Wants the teacher to recognize and know her, but moreover, she wants the class to recognize and know her. Question Girl is the first cousin of Tell Dumb Stories Boy.

• isthisgonnabeonthetest kid:This student will never participate in class discussions. They will only raise their hands to ask the professor one thing: Is this gonna be on the test? Asking this question shows much about you. Not only, does it tell the professor you couldn't care less about their class, it tells them you care even less about your true learning Word up to these kids, your professors hate you.

There was a student in my politics class last quarter who was the perfect example of a good classmate. He was smart. He knew his crap. He could have easily answered every question brought up in class, but he didn't. Then, when he did answer, it wasn't bull shit. It was logic and reasoning, examples and intelligent wording; the kid practically sung his answers in perfect tune. It is because he knew we'd have to spend the next two hours with him, and being an idiot wouldn't help the situation.

Folks, I suggest you take this student's example, and be considerate of the others in your classes. You don't have to know everything and you don't have to tell all 500 of us how awesome you are. If you do the work, share what you know when the professor asks this of you. Otherwise, pay attention to them because, who knows, maybe you'll learn something.

people observation #2: i'm a freshman in college, therefore I reserve the right to bash everything my doctorate grammar professor has to say.

Every Monday and Wednesday from 10-12 it is the same thing. I run in a few minutes ahead of schedule and quickly delayer my parka, mittens, hat, and extra sweatshirt before I break a ridiculous sweat. I give Megan a cheerful hello and ask her if she did the homework from last night, because I most likely did not. We take our seats and cross our fingers that they aren't going to sit behind us, but there they are right on cue.

The recipe of their conversation always consists of the ingredients from my last observation, quite complainy, but this one has just a pinch of arrogance. Of course being me, I cannot help myself but eavesdrop, and with the volume of their voices, it would probably be harder not to. Their conversation I am talking about is how they feel that they are much cooler, and clearly much more intelligent than our professor. All through class, literally, everything that comes out of our very intelligent professor's mouth is something for them to make fun of. I don't know why they don't get up in front and teach the class themselves. Actually, I do. Their making fun of her is caused by a little thing inside of them named insecurity.

These students are not alone. It is an epidemic that began when we were in middle school and being able to poke fun of someone made you superior in your LizzieMcGuire-mimicked clique. From then on, pointing out an elder's flaws was an easy thing to do, because one could assume these elders were never going to hear it. There you go, easy way in to that group.

I have always had a problem with making fun of the established elders, and this is most likely because the older people in my life have always been very incredible role models. They were successful yet not afraid to admit their humanity. They taught me what respect was by respecting me and most importantly respecting others.

I feel that another important factor as to why I get so upset about this topic is that I have had some great relationships with my teachers throughout schooling and I've learned that teachers are people too, and that they do have lives outside of the classroom. I do not think some students understand this concept.

Just the other day, we were going over a grammar rule that was rare, and confusing, because so many people mess it up. When our professor explained what the rule was, a student answered her hand, and in the most arrogant voice imaginable says, "I have never seen or heard that before now." I was appalled. Who do you think you are? As if your nineteen years of life gave you more credibility than our PHD grammar professor, with years of journalistic experience, who studies the concepts of these simple rules on and off the job.

Sure, I understand that sometimes professionals are wrong. Scientists do not find the solution on their first experiment. Sometimes Ryan Howard strikes out. However, we have no right to undermine their knowledge, and we most certainly have no right to blatantly disrespect what they have to say because of a mistake. (That being said my grammar professor knows her shit. She was not wrong, and she went on to give us five more examples of the questioned rule, thus, embarrassing the class. As we say in my family: face.)

What I'm trying to explain is just a small part of my daily life as a freshman in college, surrounded by intelligent students that sometimes let this trait get to their heads. I can understand frustration with a class, I can understand insecurity breaching from that, however, what I cannot understand is the finding it necessary to use these previous reasons to excuse us from respecting anyone. Word does get back to our elders, and not only does it look really poorly on you, it looks really poorly on our generation.

people observation #1: complaining is our favorite pastime.

Complaining is a sad invention, but we do it all the time, and I didn't notice how much people complain until I came to college and moved in next to the most complaining female of mankind.

Our paper-thin dorm room walls leave no room for privacy, and much room for the ability to hear every single pain and imperfection in the hermit that I call my next door neighbor's life.

At the beginning of the year it was that she couldn't understand her math teacher *insert ridiculously racist stab at accent here* and was going to drop the class.

The next week, she was beginning what was to be the daily cellular argument with her significant other, who I hypothesize just mutes her from the other line until the "I don't need this fucking drama" ends. In the bathroom, its always a complaint, "The weather sucks today, I lost my phone, My favorite show got cancelled for the freaking Presidential Address, fml, fml, fml, wah."

Then, I came to the obvious realization that people in general are very very whiny. It makes sense, I understand the conversation starter, at a coffee shop, "Jease, If I wasn't so addicted to coffee, I wouldnt have to wait in this ridiculous line" or "Where is the sun? It's raining cats and dogs out there and I'm drenched!" Understandable. In class, "I'd rather be listening to Nickelback than this damn professor." or "I got a 56% on the exam last week, and my mom's gonna foam at the mouth when she finds out." Makes sense. We always need a reason to socialize with those around us; it would be awkward to stand in line, make eye contact with that total stranger, and not say anything, right? The reason we complain: Empathy. It gives us a way to be able to connect with the people around us. For example, yeah it's raining outside for these people too, there's something you two have in common. I understand, however, imagine if we gave positive comments in these situations instead of the negative attitudes.

The other day I was getting a chipotle burrito. You know the drill: Wait in long line, get up to the front as a dude in a chipotle tshirt steams your tortilla only to get very upset when you explain you would like your barbacoa meat in a bowl instead, God forbid. I gotta say, although burrito means "little donkey" in Spanish, my server that day was a huge ass. Noticing their frown, and negative attitude towards their world (which was clearly out to get them) I asked them how they were doing as they globbed hundred of calories of sour cream and cheese into my dish. I am not kidding, it was as if the world stopped. I swear, every chef in the back dropped their grease covered spatulas. Every Chipotle team member up front dropped what they were doing. Even the managers were confused. How dare this person try to interrupt our day of pessimistic venom! My server looked up, "What?," she said. And I asked her again, "How are you doing?" She smiled! She explained that she was doing pretty good. She thanked me for asking. I could have said, "Gosh its the weekend and you're working right now, sucks to be you!" but instead I asked her how she was doing and at least lifted her spirits for the few seconds I spent with her.

My point is that an attitude is nothing anyone ever wants to deal with. When we complain about our crap, it just makes us all look more self-centered. Here's the thing: stuff happens that we can't control. Stuff happens that we have absolutely zero control over. Charles R. Swindoll said that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it. God, was he right. The truth is, we could throw a fit in the airport because the record-breaking hurricane across the country has delayed our flight or we could spend that time thinking of solutions to the situation or looking on the bright side. We could spend twenty minutes yelling at the waiter for the undercooked steak that SOMEONE ELSE, the chef in the back, cooked, or we could do something about it.

Someday, perhaps, I will work up the courage to ask my next door neighbor what she exactly did for the world to always be out to get her, or maybe I will get some sort of strength to explain to her that there are almost seven billion people in this world, and that it was not made to fit her needs. As for now, however, I am just going to smile and set an example of someone who can spread the love. Instead of being pissed off at the world all the time for the little things that we can't control we can realize that here comes the sun, little darlin, and for goodness sakes, it's alright.

hello higher education.

Summer:  A change from the routine of school and work for some; A nostalgia, holding tight to traditions like their yearly trip to the beach, or their 4th of July pre-fireworks picnic; fresh air; shining sun; and a feeling of goodness all around.

I would have to say that my Summer of 2009 reflected much of this cliche American pastime. I spent so much time with the people that make me happy; my family and my friends. It started off with an amazing mission trip in Tennessee and a vacation with my family to one of the most beautiful beaches in North Carolina.

I enjoyed every single minute of my three months, because I knew that the next four summers would be quite a change from the first eighteen of my life. Even more, I knew the next four school years would hold more than I could even fathom. And that scared the shit out of me. 

By mid-July, many people had already left, some people for bootcamp, some to summer internships, working all the time, or already getting settled at their place of university. When my long-going boyfriend moved halfway across the country, I was forced to start thinking about what my freshman year at college was going to encompass. 

I had to make priorities. What was the most important?  

Here I was, eighteen years old, trying to figure out what I was going to do with myself. I was going to a party school- not my scene. I was a liberal Christian ready to make a difference in the world and do something that, for me, was unheard of in the college experience. Erin boldy go where no college girl has ever gone before?...

or have they?

Well, I have officially been at college for seven days, and I can say that each one has been significantly different than the one before. The first day, drastically weird. The second day, drastically weirder. And as the adrenaline pumps my fingertips to type, I joyfully explain that I am not alone. Within hours of arriving to my new home, I was flooded with invitations to Christian groups, substance free groups, and groups of people who were in it for others. I was so excited.

and I still am. There are so many people at this University dedicated to changing the college stereotypes that we are so overwhelmed with our entire lives. I dedicate this blog to them, all of those people who have opened my eyes in the last week. To all of the people I am about to meet in the next four years, thank you. Because I have no idea what is in store for me, but I have made the decision to be unique, to live my life making healthy choices, to learn to my full capacity, and to not do it alone.