Wednesday, May 19, 2010

people observation #5: ...and so she admits it; she's a cold hearted bitch.

Look, don't get me wrong, I know that people in this world are selfish, and I spend every single day of my life trying to prove to myself that we are not all selfish, but sometimes it just isn't so easy.

Here I am. I love people! Love em! I love smiling at them, and asking how they're doing, and I love hearing what they have been up to or what their lives are like. I spend countless hours working to help others, even contemplating whether my being here at college as too selfish or preparing me to perform some greater good down the road.

I can't take the idea that this is a world of every person for him or herself, and I have no understanding, I have no mental capacity to fathom, the idea that anyone would sincerely believe the world was all about them.

In political theory yesterday, someone explained to us that she wholeheartedly believed other people's problems to be ones that she would never be able to help out with. And I quote, "Maybe I'm just a cold hearted bitch, but we're really all here for ourselves," She continued to explain to us that even if her very best friend needed a place to stay, or a month's rent, even if she had the money, she couldn't help her out because it wasn't her problem. I have never been so appalled in my life.

We're young! We're in college! We're hopeful! We're suppose to look cynicism like this in the face and tell it to shut the hell up! I can't imagine how different my life would be if I had this kind of attitude. Oh, litter, I'm not gonna pick you up, someone else's problem. Oh, high schooler, I'm not gonna worry about your addictions, that's your problem. Oh, grandpa, I'm not gonna worry about your sickness, not my problem. (not my chair, not my problem..I always say) I can tell you that the incredible people I have been able to learn from all across this country would not be. I can tell you that the nine months I have been away from my boyfriend would not be. and I can tell you that the incredibly loving relationship that I have been blessed to have with my family sure as hell would not be.

I cannot imagine being here simply to help myself. I cannot imagine my political beliefs to be an ideology based on which one would help myself. It's not about me. What I'm saying is that I came to college for a greater opportunity to make a difference in the world. I'm here because someday I am going to have some skills of use, that can help somebody somewhere with something. Vague? Good. Because you can do it too.

We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics. They will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check; we've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. barackobama.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

stream of consciousness, stream of CONSCIENCE.

you cannot sit in your white house of comfortability.
not when those who pass by don't know what you do.
you cannot sit and judge someone who "doesn't know jesus"
because clearly you must have forgotten who you are.
We all have different gifts,
and the fact that I am busy outside meeting god's beautiful children,
being a light to a dark world,
the mouth that cannot quote the words to perfection is still loved, and beautiful,
and belongs to a good person.
i have been given a gift of being able to love everyone. not those like me. those not like me. those not like you.
hide it under a bushel? no. I'm gonna let it shine.
i can no longer dwell in my fears of being judged,
at the very least,
by the ones who I thought were the judge-less.
our bodies are beautiful,
our brains our beautiful,
our inevitably different grasp of the ways of the world..why, that's beautiful too.
the ultimate beautiful.
I can no longer sit as the gossip continues,
I am a doer.
I am ready to do.
We have been assigned a position of serving those around us,
and this does not confine us to the schools of the county.
nobody said that we had a quota to meet,
that we couldn't work overtime,
that we couldn't smile at the house two doors down.
there are people starving in our own closer backyards,
and you sit on your couch and glare.
"they don't know jesus".... as if there were nothing you could do.