When your crafty mother can make your fifth grade Christopher Columbus project into the most life-like paper doll in history using just a glue gun and some felt, Halloween is just another time to exemplify her arts and crafts expertise. Growing up, I had the MOST original and homemade costumes. At age three I was a cow with a fever for more cowbell. My brother was a robot made out of spraypainted cardboard and those silver tubes you find behind the dryer. I was a cat with ridiculously lifelike features. My brother was a homemade ninja turtle (like most five year olds circa 1992) with big felt feet and a half-shell backpack. Our jack-o-lanterns weren't just triangle-eyed simpletons; they were perfectly carved and beautifully glowing Bert and Ernies (gotta tip my hat to my equally-creative pops on this one).
I'm a mouse, duh. |
So Halloween was really fun. It was the ultimate nostalgia. The way it should be. Costumes should be homemade. Jack-o-lanterns should be carved without using a stupid stencil.
But then we get older and all of a sudden Halloween is an excuse for boys to dress like penises and women to dress like the occupation they want to be if that occupation's uniform made drastic changes, i.e., Cops who've seem to have lost their pants, nurses with stethoscopes stuck in their cleavage, or a referee wearing knee-highs and heels.
My roommate Sarah and her twin sister Liz ca.1995 |
Erin, Erin, Erin, the boys say, why are you so against this beautiful display of the female population?
Really boys, I'm all for sluttin' around (sarcasm), but I think it's because I liked Halloween when I was a little kid. Maybe I just feel betrayed.
I've seemed to have found a Halloween kid in the decorations and excited eyes of my roommate Sarah. She comes from a family of crafty nostalgics as well, I suppose she's just taken the hold on to that nostalgia route rather than be a cynic. I could learn a lesson or two from her.
Me, pumpkin, with some Green Monkeys, and my friend Lizzy, Spongebob, on Halloween 2009. |
Nevertheless, people will still buy their costumes from some overpriced website, and they'll still be made out of a cheep fabric. Dorothy is still going to turn into a huge slut in ruby red slippers, and some dude will go as a Dick in a Box, very creative bro. People will still crowd court street, maybe holding on to the Halloween from their childhood's (of course with a little more beer and a little less candy). I, however, will be working a double.
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On a lighter and less-bitter note, and in spirit of the holiday, I love this show: